Ok, so I have been flaky lately. Here is why.   I have tried to figure out how to post this over the past week, but finally just decided to tell ya'll all of it.

1.  I need a hysterectomy.  I have for a while now....
2.  I found lumps in my belly before the holidays.  I was diagnosed with multiple hernias that need immediate removal.  I can't eat much and I feel sick all the time.  They are swollen and pushing up against my diaphragm and so I can't breath too well.   But I can't fix this problem until I have the hysterectomy because the repairs will be right where the surgical scar for the hyst would go, rendering it useless.  So I am back to square one. 

The combination of these surgeries is considered high risk and nobody local wants to do it (so far).  So, I am trying to get into Shands, which is supposedly one of the best teaching schools here in the South.  It is in Gainesville - 7 hours away.  I have been trying to get appts scheduled with both teams, general surgery and GYN surgery but General surgery has been giving me trouble and just generaly not so helpful.  SO I finally get an office manager who tells me the holdup was just a CAT scan so  I went the very next day to get the requested CAT.   
3.   I got the results of said CAT scan this week that I have a 3x3 cm hypodense lesion on my liver.  Hmmmmm.... shit - double shit.

SOOOOO.... I went to the Liver specialist who says it could be malignant or it could be nothing so we have to do another crapload of tests before
a.  I will know what the hell the mass is
b. I can have the above surgeries.  

So I am going this Monday to have the next CAT scan.  Mmmmm, yum.  More barium milkshakes.  Woot woot.  They also took a lifetime supply of blood and I have to do a 24 hour urine - will spare you the details of that fun little experiment.

The last month of this damn limbo has been making me crazy. I am having surgery eventually, but I don't know when or when and I can't plan anything.   I am not so good with being stagnant.  I like movement.  

This week we have had lots of movement but none of it in the surgical direction - the threat of Cancer tends to get them going pretty quickly.....  It is all about the liver now - once they clear that then hopefully I can get on with scheduling the surgeries.

My day job has been patient so far, but I sense the patience is wearing a little thin.  I don't know what else to do... except just keep on keeping on and keeping them informed.

How this will affect HollyEQQ.com?  It won't.  
I need to pay for all this surgery somehow!  I have insurance, but the travel, hotel, and additionals will be high.  I will also need care, so someone will need to go with me... so more expenses there.   I keep trying to tell myself not to worry about money, because there are bigger fish to fry but yeah, I like to take care of myself. 

Plus,  I have needed to stay busy or I freak out.   But I get tired easily so I have been trying to find some balance.

Oh and no more google researching for medical advice - very depressing stuff.

So here I am.  This is me.   
Holly